Mr. Monday graded decades of athletic-celebrity pairs, the good, the bad, the long-lasting.
Mr. Monday will tolerate no Taylor Swift slander or shaming on Sellout Crowd.
Swift has become a Sunday TV staple since connecting with podcast host and two-time Super Bowl champion Travis Kelce. The NFL, always a bastion of savvy and cutthroat capitalists, knows how to engage a new audience, so cameras are whipping around to whatever cushy suite she sits herself in during Chiefs games.
The whole meme of who made who famous is silly. Sure, Kelce has hosted SNL and caught Super Bowl touchdowns (playing against his brother!). Still, Swift is another level of celebrity magnitude to a guy who played college ball at Cincinnati.
Swift is a supernova, the biggest pop star since Michael Jackson and a much more devoted artist, paying more attention to her fans than MJ did, without all of his pet chimpanzee nonsense and other, uh, baggage.
Most of America, other than angry men who record Twitter videos in the front seats of their cars, are rooting for Taylor to be lucky in love. But there’s a hall-of-fame-level high bar for celebrity-athlete couples to stay rock-solid.
Here’s Mr. Monday’s grade card for superstar relationships for Taylor to eyeball at her leisure. Best of luck, kids, Mr. Monday is hoping for touchdowns of tenderness and Grammys of goodwill. And, by writing the words Taylor Swift, Mr. Monday wants the love of the algorithms most of all.
Athlete-Celebrity Couples Report Card
F: The flash-in-the-pans, transactional grossness and total disasters. Some relationships are negotiated by public relations companies for very short-term tabloid benefits, while some are mismatches from the jump. Failing couples: Madonna-Jose Canseco. Any NBA forward and a Kardashian.
D: Most of these didn’t work out, but have enough 70s nostalgia to make Mr. Monday interested: Terry Bradshaw and Jojo Starbuck. Tai Babilonia and Christopher Knight (TV’s Peter Brady). Joe Namath and CHiPs actress Randi Oakes. Chris Evert and Burt Reynolds.
C: The what-could-have-beens. So close to being Hall of Fame couples if they’d only lasted. Mr. Monday knows it’s none of his bee’s wax, but wishes everyone the best in their personal lives. Mr. Monday gets wistful thinking of Joe DiMaggio and Marilyn Monroe, A-Rod and J-Lo, Barry Zito and Alyssa Milano.
B: The long-timers. David Beckham and Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham are the international title holders here, but the USA fares well with Carrie Underwood and hockey player Mike Fisher, Andy Roddick and Brooklyn Decker. Best in the USA? Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union.
A: With all due respect to Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf, who probably win the title for combined years of on-court success and relationship longevity, Mr. Monday is a shameless homer and has to go with Oklahoma home with the most gold medals per capita: Bart Conner and Nadia Comeneci.
If Taylor and Travis can reach the levels of hitting perfect 10s, winning the Cold War and putting their sport on the international map, then high-fives and heart-hands all around. Mr. Monday is here for a world-changing alliance between Swifties and Chiefs Nation. Peace.
USA gymnast Shawn Johnson (left), Bart Conner and Nadia Comaneci pose with United States first lady Michelle Obama for a picture during the Let’s Move Event July 27, 2012 at U.S. Ambassador’s Residence in London. (Andrew Weber/USA TODAY Sports)