Hello ago: Please allow Mr. Monday to re-introduce himself

Hello ago: Please allow Mr. Monday to re-introduce himself

Remember me? If not, then allow Mr. Monday to re-introduce himself to those who didn’t clamor to get ink-stained fingers reading the morning paper a decade and a half ago.

Mr. Monday

By Mr. Monday

| Sep 4, 2023, 6:46am CDT

Mr. Monday

By Mr. Monday

Sep 4, 2023, 6:46am CDT

As Mr. Monday was saying…

Who, you might ask? 

Well, allow Mr. Monday to re-introduce himself to those who didn’t clamor to get ink-stained fingers reading the morning paper a decade and a half ago. You see, in the before times, in the heyday of the Broadway Extension Dark Tower Era of Local Media Company, Mr. Monday basked in the glory of some of the talent that now resides at Sellout Crowd. Mr. Monday’s benevolent bosses allowed him a sliver of newsprint each week to share light-hearted takes about the world of sports and make obscure pop culture references in what was generously called a “humor column.”

Now that Mr. Monday has received his Willy Wonka Golden Ticket to join the Oompa Loompas at Sellout Crowd World Headquarters, the opportunity presents itself yet again. Yep, Mr. Monday has been ordained a “creator” by those handing out dream-come-true passes. As such, Mr. Monday will step up and “create content”.

Besides, in 2023, it sure appears that in Our Fair City, at least one schlub can make a living dishing out hacky, by-the-numbers bits with 15-year-old punchlines. So why not Mr. Monday? At least on Sellout Crowd, the jokes are free. Plus, the last time Mr. Monday’s spiritual advisors checked, Mr. Monday had a soul. Heck, if it doesn’t work out, Mr. Monday can always pick up a side hustle, hosting musical chairs competitions in the Super Cao Nguyen parking lot or something.

So, we sally forth. Here are some stray observations as Mr. Monday ponders the future of media and admires the well-decorated interior of the palatial Sellout Crowd content creator locker room:

If Mr. Monday’s fellow Sellouts could go one day without referring to our superstar columnist duo as “Jerry and Benni,” it would be a win. Berry and Jenni = the best in Oklahoma sports writing. Jerry and Benni = a solid 1950s Catskill magician act. 

Mr. Monday is determined to turn Todd Lisenbee and Sam Mayes into the Jake and Logan Paul of Sellout Crow. Step One: YouTube stardom. Step Two: Shameless merchandise pushers. Step Three: Combat sportsmen.

 

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When our beloved Sellout brand first rolled out its wildly successful billboard marketing campaign — “Berry Tramel is a Sellout” — speculation ran wild about who could be financing such a public rebuke of our most humble of scribes. Candles were lit in Norman, opportunistic lawyers prepared slander suits, but alas it was just Mr. Monday et. al behind the scenes. That didn’t stop some from rounding up the unusual suspects: Russell Westbrook, Local Media Company, Berry Tramel himself, Jim Traber. Nary, a discouraging word has ever been said about Berry by anyone with a lick of sense. And if you don’t understand his great influence on this state, let me remind you that Mr. Monday just used the phrase “lick of sense.”

Sellout Crowd’s superstar Thunder creators are waiting in the wings while college football dominates September. But don’t get Mr. Monday wrong; you’ll be blown away by the production of Jon Hamm (on rye) and Brett Dawson (on whole wheat). They already have their wheels spinning about potential stories. If only they would be open to Mr. Monday’s suggestions:

An in-depth look at the physical similarities between Chet Holmgren and a young Abe Lincoln.

A deep dive into Sam Presti’s middle school PE Class. How did Sam pick his dodgeball teams? Best available? Did he pick and stash that foreign exchange student? Did he play solo and reserve the rest of his picks for sophomore year?

Who are the other Jalen Williams in Oklahoma City? Mr. Monday is sure there’s a barber or someone at Tinker who is tired of the jokes.

And Mr. Monday bets you are tired of the jokes, too. That’s Mr. Monday’s sign to wrap it up. 

Thanks for reading. 

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Mr. Monday is both anonymous and fictional, so try not to get too worked up. Mr. Monday lives in a gated community but refuses to admit it is in Edmond. He enjoys walks to Braum’s with Mrs. Monday, being snobbish towards Tulsa and spending time with his three impressive children and two rather dumb dogs. Mr. Monday is on Twitter at @MrMondayOKC. DM’s are open.

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