Mr. Monday has a metaphor for everything, including OKC’s new arena plan

Mr. Monday has a metaphor for everything, including OKC’s new arena plan

If you’re losing site of the civic upside of Paycom Center 2.0, Mr. Monday is here for you.

Mr. Monday

By Mr. Monday

| Sep 18, 2023, 7:11am CDT

Mr. Monday

By Mr. Monday

Sep 18, 2023, 7:11am CDT

Mr. Monday can claim expertise in a few areas. 

Two of those areas come in handy today: A lifetime of paycheck-to-paycheck living that necessitated being a renter and wringing the life out of long-extended metaphors. 

This brings us to today’s lesson about pearl-clutching criticism of Mayor David Holt’s plan for a new Oklahoma City arena. 

Much of the sky-is-falling reaction to the plan has been from well-intentioned peaceniks who wish every public penny was put toward solving Our Fair City’s nagging problems. Mr. Monday understands, having often scribbled in the bubble next to the bluest candidate and hoping for the best on Election Day. But, alas, Mr. Monday’s progressive brethren are losing sight of the upside regarding Paycom Center 2.0.

Thus, Mr. Monday’s metaphor: 

Let’s say that Mr. Monday has a booming Beanie Baby-flipping business that is the envy of everyone on eBay. A major league business.

The warehouse Mr. Monday uses to sock away his prized Beanie Babies is past its prime, so Mr. Monday goes looking for a nicer, shinier warehouse. Because the nicer the warehouse is, the better those Beanie Babies perform in the marketplace.

So Mr. Monday goes to Big City, which has a history of building nifty warehouses and other accommodations that benefit his community. Big City isn’t interested in making a profit; they just want to have more successful businesses and happy people around because that vibe seems self-perpetuating, solving many problems. 

Now, if Big City really wanted Mr. Monday to put his business in the shiny new warehouse, he’d make sure it met Mr. Monday’s needs. Big City would also get a commitment from Mr. Monday to move in and set a reasonable rent so the investment that went into building the warehouse paid off. 

But Big City knows that having Mr. Monday’s Beanie Baby business in the warehouse means other companies will want to be there, too. Knowing those Beanie Babies are selling like hotcakes makes people happy. Mr. Monday has fans rooting for the discovery of a mint-condition Inky the Octopus. Some businesses will even want to be across the street from the warehouse because, heck, eBay bidders gotta eat, don’t they?

And that’s just the thing: Mr. Monday isn’t even going to use the warehouse every day! Mr. Monday only wants to display and sell his collectible products like, say, 60 days a year. The rest of the time, the Big City warehouse can host magic shows, hootenannies and monster truck rallies. Money from those events go back to Big City, along with Mr. Monday’s rent and even a slice of the dough made by those restaurants across the street. 

Could Mr. Monday have built Mr. Monday’s own warehouse using some of that fat pile of Beanie Baby cash that’s piled up over the years? Sure, but Mr. Monday isn’t in the warehouse business. Mr. Monday is in the business of finding the best Beanie Babies or their equivalent draft picks. Mr. Monday is not only happy to rent a spot in the warehouse and commit to be there for decades, but Mr. Monday is actually throwing in some cash to make that warehouse extra special. 

Everyone who has paid their landlord to build their house, please take one step forward.

If you didn’t follow, here’s the bottom line: The arena will be an asset for Oklahoma City and assets like that cost money (in this case, they cost the minuscule MAPS percentage that has been a part of our lives for decades). We can look around and see assets like it all over town: Health centers, schools, parks and the general cloud of “quality of life” that sits over OKC like that Teletubbies sun-baby. 

Cities make decisions all the time to spend money in one area instead of another. And that means dollars don’t go to solve problems. Make a list — zoos, libraries, museums, tree-trimming, grass-cutting, sculptures and basketball courts. We could zero out all of those budgets and tackle complex issues. 

Mr. Monday is convinced that building a place where people can share moments, experience joy and feel a little tighter as a community has long-lasting benefits. Sometimes, it just takes a little bit of convoluted metaphorical thinking to see it clearly. 

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Mr. Monday is both anonymous and fictional, so try not to get too worked up. Mr. Monday lives in a gated community but refuses to admit it is in Edmond. He enjoys walks to Braum’s with Mrs. Monday, being snobbish towards Tulsa and spending time with his three impressive children and two rather dumb dogs. Mr. Monday is on Twitter at @MrMondayOKC. DM’s are open.

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